Evil Princess Haru-sama ([info]harukakamiya) wrote in [info]booju_mooju,
2010-03-02 02:41:00
*shy wave*

I'm 19 years old, and I have grown up with babies being born left and right on both sides of my family. My younger brother is 18, and my sister is 13. Our cousins on our dad's side are 14 (well, 13, but she'll be 14 in 19 days), 12, 5, and 4. On our mother's side, we have a 12 year old, a 10 year old, a 9 year old, a 4 year old, a 3 (at least, I think he's 3) year old, a 2 year old, and a 10-month-old. (the 4 year old and 10-month-old baby courtesy of my 24 year old cousin, and my mom has 2 sisters and 3 brothers)

So because of all of these babies, I have become really good (well, I can at least feed them, change their diapers, and make sure they're safe--I'm VERY paranoid about small children and danger) at taking care of babies and small children.

Back last summer, the 10-month-old was only 2 months old, and his mother decided that I would hold him all the time. Most of my older relatives (like, around their 50's and 60's)--it was my grandparents' 50th anniversary--kept on telling how cute and right I looked holding the baby. This unsettled me. I had a boyfriend at the time, and I couldn't help but interpret the connotations as they couldn't wait to see me with my own children.

Now, I'm sure the connotations imply they'd love to see me have my own children when I'm considerably older, but at the time, I was thinking, "I'm only 18 years old, and my boyfriend is on the other side of the Pacific Ocean. I can barely take care of myself. What makes them think I'd be a good mother right now?"

---

On another note, I was staying with my dad's side of the family during Christmas break, and the cousins' constant fighting (well, the 14, 12, and 5 year old, anyway) over stupid crap was enough to drive me homesick. The 5 year old was fine--just put in the Transformers DVD and he was as happy as a clam. But his older sisters were insane. Their constant bickering made me decide at that time that should I ever get married and be a mother someday, I only want ONE child.

Have there ever been times like this that affected how many children you wanted in the future?

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  • 18 comments

[info]gregariouspeach

March 2 2010, 11:38:48 UTC 2 years ago

I don't think you should base it off one family. My siblings (4 of them) are my best friends. Sure we fought a lot when we were kids, just like I did with kids that weren't my siblings but having brothers and sisters is one of the greatest things about my life. I recently had my second child and although I was nervous about how #1 would cope with a sibling and how I could love two the same, he (#2) is such a wonderful addition to our family. Seeing how much my daughter loves him and cares for him is so sweet and I love that she has a friend to grow up with.

[info]jewe1z

March 2 2010, 13:54:49 UTC 2 years ago

My girls are very well behaved and don't bicker much with each other or their friends, but we just got clobbered with 4 feet of snow and they were off school for almost 2 weeks. Being locked up with each other 24-7 will make kids a bit stir crazy and I had my moments of remembering how nice it was to just have 1. Also, the more you have, the more difficult it becomes to split your time between them without losing yourself or your sanity.

Listening to other people's kids fight makes me wanna pull my hair out, but it really is "different" when they're you're own. You're more tolerant and you have the authority to put a stop to it. But if I have any more, it'll probably only be 1 and probably when my 7 year old is nearly grown so I guess for different reasons, I kinda feel the same as you despite the fact that I've already had 2! JUST ONE BABY would be nice : )

[info]mkiero

March 2 2010, 14:00:33 UTC 2 years ago

Helping take care of kids and raising your own children are very different things. You can't base how many kids you want on other people's families at one given moment. At one point I wanted 12 kids and then when I was in my teens I decided 2 maybe 3 at the most. I loved having a sibling and my brother is my best friend. It isn't a given because the kids must want the type of relationship they have with their sibling. Now I decided that I want at least 3 three kids, but if I'm not in a position to have more kids in the next 6 years I'm going to not have more kids (I have 2).

You have to think about finances, your desires, your partner's desires, your age, your partner's age, both of your careers and education, etc. when planning for kids. If you know you want kids but don't know how many there is nothing wrong with saying you don't know how many right now.

[info]namida_k93

March 2 2010, 16:04:45 UTC 2 years ago

Being in a slightly large family, with 3 much older siblings, and a bunch of much older half-sisters, then being raised with my older nephews and nieces, and helping raise the younger ones, add working in a daycare on top of that, and you could say children have surrounded me since day 1. Because of the age gap between my siblings and I, I've usually been treated like a (rebelling teen) child. Since being in the younger generation of my family, I have become best friends with most of my nephews and nieces and we rarely argue.

Though, one summer with 5 out of 10 of my nephews from Michigan brought the worst out of me. All growing boys, 2-3 years apart constantly arguing and fighting and being boys, made me scarred and drove me out of my mind. I decided I'll have 1 child at the most.

Though, it completely changed when I got to be with the boys again. It's like... I knew their personalities and how they butt heads, and realized, that the more they fought, the more I realized how close they were, that they could be honest with each other, and when the going would get tough, they'd stick together and help each other through anything.

[info]paidmydebts

March 2 2010, 16:30:52 UTC 2 years ago

Don't feel too bad. My family starting bugging me about "So when you gonna have you some of these?" back when I was still 18-19. I always just told them "Why should I when I can just borrow one of yours since you keep having them?"

Fact is, you never really know how many kids you're going to have until you get there. You can plan and hope all you want to but life doesn't really work out that way. I'm currently pregnant with my first and let me tell you, I did not plan on having kids even at this age, 27.

Personally, I'm not going to completely rule out the idea of more children in the future but I'm not gung-ho on the idea either. I want to see how my life changes first, because it will. Oh it definitely will.

[info]g_abby_g

March 2 2010, 18:28:41 UTC 2 years ago

Don't worry about it, just remind them you'll have babies in your own time. They're probably not serious anyway.

As for the number of children, well, I agree with what's already been stated. It's different when they're your own. I used to hate babies. Well, maybe hate's too strong....I really disliked babies. I tried to avoid them whenever possible. But now I have my own, and it's totally different. I really can tolerate him better than anybody else. I've learned how to accept and deal with, and even love, all that "awful" baby stuff I'd cringe away from, and I'm sure it'll be the same when he gets older and more opinionated.

Siblings fight so hard with one another, because they are family. Deep down though, they love each other. And being the second youngest in a family of 9 children, I can honestly say it was worth it. Sure, we fought a lot, and I was picked on constantly, but in times of real trouble, we were always there for each other, and we did often play together. It's nice to have that companionship. And now we're "all-growed up," I'm best friends with a couple of my sisters, and still very close with the rest of my sibs. It's a good feeling.

But I'm wishy-washy, because even as I say all that, I'm still undecided if I want to have another when my boy is a little older. I'll probably just let nature take it's course. In the end, it's up to you anyway. You'll see how you feel after you've had a baby.

[info]sayzzagain

March 2 2010, 20:21:36 UTC 2 years ago

I only have one child. It's easier for sure but I think all the time about how lonely she is going to be in the world if something were to happen to me.

[info]mekers

March 2 2010, 21:01:19 UTC 2 years ago

They say when you have your own children, that it is different. That you can put up with them because it is your own.
I'm 20, and I really don't want children because I too have had bad experiences with my younger cousins and other people's kids.

But when one of my cousins (who was 15 and preg) 4 years ago- had a beautiful baby girl. I have grown attached to her since. This made me feel that maybe one day a girl would be right for me.

In time; I'm sure you'll know whats best for your future. :3

[info]xhabitualshine

March 2 2010, 21:42:08 UTC 2 years ago

My parents both have three siblings each. And they argued to the death as children, and they still argue now as adults. However they're more than willing to get together for family parties and love to see each other and talk and are interested in each others lives'.

I have two brothers, one who is 8 years older and one who is 2 years younger. When we were younger none of us got along. We had physical fights and a lot of troubles. Now we're mostly grown and I love them both. I love visiting my older brother and talking to him. I still fight with my younger brother some, but we're friends. I can't wait for 20 years to pass and to know our families.

I've always wanted a bunch of kids. Not too many, but three or four. And I never want to have only one because I've seen how lonely those kids are. However, in my short life I have also solidly decided I want no more than four kids.

[info]medea34

March 3 2010, 00:11:26 UTC 2 years ago

when i was 19 i didn't want children. i liked playing with other people's kids, but had no intentions of having my own. at 32 i changed my mind and i now i have a lovely little guy (he is 2). i liked being pregnant, giving birth and enjoyed his infancy, but i can't imagine having another child. its soooo much work - my honey and i were exhausted for a year straight (halucinating exhausted).

my husband and i are both only children. i have never had to deal with a bickering sibling and am pretty happy for it. don't worry about an only child being lonely - we find each other (most of my friends are only children too) and keep each other company just fine.

[info]onemoreparadise

March 3 2010, 00:41:46 UTC 2 years ago

I actually have to say I'm in a different situation. I'm an only child and my whole life I was jealous of those families with tons of kids. Even when I went to my friends house and them and their siblings were arguing so bad that the house shook. I would have rather had that then be completely alone for years like I was.
It's definitely affected how many children I want. I'm having more than one so that my kids don't ever have to suffer through what I suffered through growing up.

[info]impvixen

March 3 2010, 01:52:00 UTC 2 years ago

My mother was the youngest one of 7, and while she can be really opinionated about her brothers and sisters you can tell there is alot of love there and that she cares about them. As for me, the first half of my life I only had my little sister. And she is close enough behind me to where i never could call her little. we fought like cats and dogs but we were also (and still) the best of friends. my little brother though, he is 11 years younger then me. And I recently came to realize that I was never really aware of him, and i dont have much of a connection with him. He is my parents last child and he is practically an only child, and i can see how that has caused problems for him. Maybe thats just our family though ::shrugs::

on another note, only children tend to be more selfish, not necessarily in a bad way. they just grow up without really having to share and having their parents undivided attention. They are less likely to comprimise later in life(unless you focus onit alot when they are young i guess). While the younger siblings of super large family's can be the same because they have so many people bossing them around they become mule headed and super stubborn (my husbands little brother is 7 and the youngest of 8 and COMPLETELY blows everyone off)

eh, just my 2 cents :)

[info]medea34

March 3 2010, 02:16:07 UTC 2 years ago

i don't know if i agree with this. its true that we (me and the other only children i know) had our parents undivided attention (well, except for their careers, interests and addictions) and that we didn't have to share. for the most part we tend to be pretty generous and easygoing bunch - eager to share our toys as it were. maybe it is because of the backdrop of being alone.

on compromise, meh - i let all the little stuff slide. the big stuff, the important stuff - my way or the highway. is that because i am an only child - i do not know.

[info]onemoreparadise

March 3 2010, 04:49:42 UTC 2 years ago

I have to agree with you for the most part. I also notice that I haven't had a lot of close relationships in my life. I sort of blame it on being an only child because I've never had any kids, older or younger, around me until I went off to school. By that time I pretty much didn't know how to talk to, or share with other kids my age.

[info]lieseldante

March 5 2010, 01:33:53 UTC 2 years ago

Hmm, while it's true that siblings will bicker, I think that only children are really missing out (no offence to them or anything).

My brother can wind me up like no one else can, but he can also make me laugh like no one else can. He's protective and has my back and just, seriously, is my ultimate best friend.

[info]myxo17

March 5 2010, 03:37:07 UTC 2 years ago

I grew up the oldest of 3 kids, 1 girl (me), 2 boys and when we argued, the two boys would usually stick together and I was odd one out. One child can be too easily self-centered and spoiled. I think two kids spaced about 2,3 years apart is ideal. The older child is old enough to understand language - you can say that s/he is still loved and can help.

The total number of kids actually turned out to be EIGHT thanks to my biological father having a son with his 2nd wife, a son with some other woman, and then 4 daughters with his 3rd wife. Those 4 girls hate each other - wouldn't pee on one another if they were on fire to put themselves out. I don't know how they'll be as adults, but right now I can hardly stand to be around them it's so sad. Love and respect are taught and learned and I never knew that, since I grew up with it already there.

[info]elephantsrock

March 6 2010, 22:28:00 UTC 2 years ago

I use to work at a daycare,and a couple of times I came home to my mom saying:That's it I am never having kids! Her response was(always):They usually don't come in that ammount,Jenna.
LOL.
But I also understand being told that I "look" right with a kid in my arms. Again when I was working at the daycare,I had to rock one of the kids to sleep and a co-worker make sure everyone looked at me and agreed that I looked perfect with a kid in my arms. And that I should get stepping with it. I am older than you and it still kinda was a wierd feeling. That was only a year ago and I was 22 at the time.
Now that I might actually be preggy,I am still unsettled with the fact that I might have my own little one that depends on me. But oh well,I will love him/her.

[info]katsuragisansa

March 8 2010, 06:04:14 UTC 2 years ago

Not quite. When that kind of things happen to me it makes me want to be a parent even more so I can raise my children better and THEN have the right to say all the other people sucks at parenting =)

But what DID affect how many children I wanted to have was my baby cousin. He was born shortly after I turned 2 years old and died a couple of months later of SIDS. After that I never played with dolls again or could stand to even look at babies, let alone think about having them... that was until I turned 21 or so and my hormones got out of whack. All I could think about was babies.
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